Your Role as a Parent

“Dear Strangers: Please Stop Contradicting the Role of a Parent”  (adapted)

They say it takes a village to raise a kid — and while that might be true — it takes only two people to decide HOW that child should be raised.

The other day my three-year-old and I are waiting in the check-out line at a grocery store. It just so happened to be one of those days where my son is full of some serious “Toddler ‘Tude” with me and pretty much everyone and everything he comes into contact with.

For better or for worse, my parenting style has generally been to completely ignore his tantrums because I know he’s just looking for attention.

If he crosses the line, Mean Mama Bear comes out to pointedly tell him if he doesn’t cut the crap we’re leaving, and there will be punishment. (The good news is, he usually takes me seriously, so I haven’t had to figure out what exactly that punishment is yet).

The point is, I don’t take attitude from anyone, let alone a kid that weighs 30 pounds and stands 2 feet off the ground.

Anyway, my toddler is having a tantrum because he wants the cashier to give him some crayons and paper (a treat they sometimes do with little kids at certain grocery chains). The woman goes to get him these items and I stop her.

Me: “Uh-uh. I really appreciate it, but he won’t be getting ANYTHING when he behaves like that.”

The Cashier: “It’s ok! He can have them. I really don’t mind.”

Me: “No, it’s NOT ok. He’s acting like a spoiled brat and he doesn’t deserve your gift. Thank you again, though.”

She looked confused and slightly annoyed, and part of me wanted to sit her down and gently explain why what she did was an issue – something that I wish I could explain to EVERYONE my son and I come into contact with, but I simply don’t have the time. So, I’m going to explain it here and hope it resonates with most – whether they have kids or not.

Simply put, I’m trying to raise my kid not to expect things just because he asks for them. I’m trying the teach him that acting out, crying, screaming, and having tantrums is a guaranteed way to ensure you definitely aren’t getting whatever it is you’re demanding. I’m trying to teach him that good behavior is rewarded and bad behavior results in the exact opposite.

The reason kids become adults who are spoiled, privileged, and inconsiderate is because neither their parents nor society took the time to explain to them that nobody OWES them anything, particularly if their actions or words are demanding, disparaging, or rude.

Yes, giving in to your kid’s tantrums (particularly when you’re in public) is significantly easier and less stressful in the short term. But in the long-term, it will prove to be a straight-up nightmare.

So, my public service announcement to all of society is this: please don’t go against a parent’s wishes. I realize it might be awkward for you and you’re just trying to be nice and do the right thing. But you’re not. When a parent point-blank says their child cannot do something or have something, there is probably a legitimate reason for it. When you say things like “it’s ok” or “I don’t mind”, what you’re REALLY doing is contradicting a parent’s authority and that, in turn, sends a confusing message to the child. If you find yourselves inadvertently being interjected in these awkward interactions, just graciously smile at the kid and say, “I think your mom (or dad) knows what’s best.”

Truly, 95% of parents will appreciate you for doing this. It reinforces their decision and authority and often alleviates further conflict between the child and parent.

(Adapted: Posted by: Mcclain W. in Family Focus, Mom Talk)

A Prayer Written by Elisabeth Elliot:

“Lord, I offer up today…

all that I am, all that I have,

all that I do and all that I suffer,

for it to be yours today, and yours forever.

Give me grace Lord, to do all that I know of your Holy will,

purify my heart,

sanctify my thinking,

correct my desires.

Teach me in all of today’s work … trouble ….and Joy,

to respond with honest praise,

simple trust and

instant obedience.

That my life may be in truth a living sacrifice

…by the power of your Holy Spirit,

and in the Name of your Son Jesus Christ,

my Master and my All.”             AMEN

(Elisabeth Elliot loved the dedication of Bette Stam, a martyred American missionary in China.  Bette was an inspiration to Elisabeth.)

Amy Carmichael’s Dohnavur Fellowship:


My Vow:

 Whatsoever Thou sayest unto me, by Thy grace,

I will do it.

My Constraint:

Thy love, oh Christ, My Lord.

My Confidence:

Thou art able to keep that which I have committed unto Thee.

My Joy:

To do thy will, Oh God.

My Discipline:

That which I would not choose, but which Thy love appoints.

My Prayer:

Conform my will to Thine.

My Motto:

Love to live, and live to love.

My Portion:

The Lord is the portion of mine inheritance.

 Teach us, good Lord, to serve Thee as Thou deserves;

To give and not count the cost;

To fight and not to heed the wounds;

To toil and not to seek for rest;

To labor and not to ask for any reward

save that of knowing that we do thy will,

Oh Lord our God.


(A Chance to Die, by Elisabeth Elliot, p241-242

Quote from Amy Carmichael)

Amy Carmichael’s Aim for Her Ministry in India:

  To lead children out of themselves and into the service of others,

“untarnished by earthly thoughts”.

            This meant that Dohnavur workers must be “of one mind” about at least

eight things:

  • following the Crucified  (John 15:18; I John 3:13)
  • loyalty towards one another  (“speak to not about or of”)
  • continuing to be a family, not an institution (Phil. 1:27)
  • being on guard against foes of keenness and spiritual joy  (John :15:11)
  • counting it an honor if they were made a spectacle to the world, to angels, and to men
  • asking the Lord to mark His Cross on natural choices (What are natural choices?)
  • unreserved renunciation of everything human beings generally love, and desire for what the Lord Jesus Christ loved.  (die to self)
  • willingness to be “set at nought” (Rev. 4:8-11)

Truth, loyalty, and honor were put first.

“A little thing is a little thing, but faithfulness in little things is a very great thing.”

“The great reward was to be trusted with harder, more responsible work.”

 I Cor.1:10…”be perfectly joined together in the same mind and in the same judgement.”    “Of one mind” need not mean identity of opinion.

The “gold cord” which held the family together was love.

 In this love, three things that she felt they needed to be bound together:

  • the verbal inspiration of scripture ( 11 Tim. 3:16)
  • the power of God to deal with His enemy  (11 Tim. 4:18;  1 John 4:4)
  • loyalty to one another  (James 4:7;  Phil. 2:1-4)

 Her goals then were:

  • to save the children in moral danger
  • to train them to serve others
  • to minister to the desolate and the suffering
  • to do anything that may be shown to be the will of our Heavenly Father, in order to make His love known, especially to the people of India.  (An example of this is that they did not eat beef.  They ate chicken, pork, fish, etc. but not beef, so as not to offend the ones they were trying to win for Christ.)

Amy Carmichael

Amy Carmichael:  Born in Ireland on Dec. 16th, 1867;  died on Jan.18th, 1951

in Tamil Nadu, India  after 55 years of service there with no furlough.

Amy was from an Irish Protestant (Presbyterian) family, the oldest of 7 children, and was always interested in a challenge.  She led her brothers into challenges….like playing on roofs and sliding down rainspouts.  One day her parents were standing at the bottom of the rainspout.

She learned very young that God hears our prayers, and believed wholeheartedly that he answered prayers.  She did not like her brown eyes, so one night she went to bed, prayed for blue eyes, and believed that when she woke up in the morning she would be blue-eyed.  She ran to the mirror the next morning….and they were still brown.  Years later in India, she went into the Hindu temples to rescue little girls from prostitution, and her blue eyes would have given her away as a foreigner. She came to thank and praise His sovereignty and goodness in giving her brown eyes.

 Seventeen-year-old Amy Carmichael was on her way home from church in Belfast, when she came to a poor old woman carrying a heavy bundle-something she was not accustomed to seeing in Presbyterian Belfast. Amy, along with her two brothers, took the bundle from the woman and helped her along by the arms.

Surrounded by the “respectable people” of the community, Amy could not help but notice her actions were being questioned. She was embarrassed. In her own words Amy described it as “a horrid moment. We were only two boys and a girl, and not at all exalted Christians. We hated doing it.” They plodded on in spite of the blushing and sense of shame for associating publicly with such a woman. The wind and rain blew in their faces. The rags of the old woman pressed against them.

Just as they passed by an ornate Victorian fountain in the street, “this mighty phrase flashed as it were through the gray drizzle: ‘Gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay stubble — every man’s work will be made manifest; and the fire shall try every man’s work of what sort it is. If any man’s work abide…”

The words were so real, Amy turned to see who had spoken them. She saw nothing but a muddy street, people with surprised looks on their faces, and the fountain. But Amy knew this was the voice of God.

That afternoon, Amy shut the door to her room and closed herself in with God. What happened that day would change the course of her life and profoundly impact her priorities. Amy Carmichael began to understand what it means to die to self.

How did this affect her? She purposed in her heart to follow Him who had no home, no earthly possessions beyond the bare minimum. She would be “dead to the world and its applause, to all its customs, fashions, laws.” Amy had an eye for beauty and it was no small sacrifice to embrace this journey of true discipleship.

Betty Stam:  (China Inland Mission, Martyred 1935 at the age of 26; graduate of Moody Bible Institute)                                                                                         “When we consecrate ourselves to God, we think we are making a great sacrifice, and doing lots for Him, when really we are only letting go some little, bitsie trinkets we have been grabbing, and when our hands are empty, He fills them full of His treasures. –Betty Stam

In 1886, Amy’s father died.  Amy helped with the teaching of younger children, took painting classes, and started various good works, like helping with the YMCA, and inner city missions. She poured herself into this, but it seemed empty to her.  It surely must have seemed impressive to others, but she thouthe of it as wood, hay and stubble.  What was missing?  Her sisters described her with one word during this time…enthusiastic.  By 1889, age 22, Amy longed to live a holy life…how could she live the life she longed for?  The revivals were strong during this time in England and Ireland.  Amy wanted to live “dead to the world…she would follow Him who had no home, no earthly possessions beyond the bare minimum….dead to the world and its applause, to all its customs, fashions, laws,…and relinquish all …for a true life of discipleship.”

Amy began to reach out to the “shawlies” girls who worked in the mills and were too poor to by hats. They used their shawls to cover their heads, which was offensive to the proper church members. Which was worse, Amy bringing these crude “commoners” to the church or Mrs. Carmichael allowing her to go into the slums to fetch them? They couldn’t decide. Amy didn’t care about her reputation. She was dead. Christ was alive in her, loving the shawlies through her. It was a relief to the church folk when the shawlies were coming in such large numbers that Amy needed a separate building for them. This was no small challenge for a now 22 year-old girl. But Amy believed God for both the Land and the building. The invitations were sent out and the grand opening set for January 2, 1889. She invited her minister to dedicate “The Mill and Factory Girls’ Branch of the YMCA.” A banner was hung in the front with words, “That in all things HE might have the preeminence.”

Two students of D.L. Moody led the service.  Amy wasn’t on the platform that night. She wasn’t on the program.  Yes, it was her vision that initiated the ministry and her dream that brought about the building. But she sat inconspicuously in the middle of the audience. Amy Carmichael had died to self.

Amy became aware of Hudson Taylor’s words… “a million a month are dying in China.”

Amy met a man named Mr Wilson during this time of her life…the Carmichael family called him the “Dear Old Man” (DOM).  He owned coal mines in Ireland, but was a widower whose only daughter died when she was just Amy’s age. He lived alone in his estate with two bachelor sons in their late thirties.  The Carmichaels visited him often and it happened that he “adopted” Amy.  He was one of the founders of the Keswick Conventions….with the revivals.  She moved to his estate and she began her new “schooling” (1890). This gave her Quaker, Baptist, and Anglican teachings.  Mr. Robert Wilson eventually became the man who supported her almost fully on the mission field for her personal needs.  She later went on the mission field under the Keswicks.

This is their “Thoughts on Sanctity”:  To be like Christ.  To displace self from the inner throne, and to enthrone Him;  to make not the slightest compromise with the smallest sin.  We aim at nothing less than to walk with God all day long, to abide every hour in Christ and He and His words in us, to love God with all the heart and our neighbor as ourselves…It is possible to cast every care on Him daily, and to be at peace amidst pressure, to see the will of God in everything, to put away all bitterness, and clamor and evil speaking, daily and hourly.  It is possible by unreserved resort to divine power under divine conditions to become strongest through and through at our weakest point.”

One of the cathedrals had these inscriptions on it: (by a carving of roses)…”All that pleases is but for a moment.” ;(by a carving of a cross)…”All that grieves is but for a moment.”; and over the central door…”Nothing is important but that which is eternal.”

On January 13th, 1892, it was clear that she must go to the mission field.  (“Faith does not eliminate questions; but faith knows where to take them.”) (She actually sailed March 3rd,1893.) Amy did not question, though it saddened her to leave her loved ones. On the mission field, God again used Amy’s “mother’s heart” to minister to children. She spent fifty-five years in India setting up orphanages to rescue children from prostitution in Hindu temples and ministering to the people she met.  Amy affected the lives of countless Indians, giving them a hope for a future on earth and in heaven. While serving in India, Amy received a letter from a young lady who was considering life as a missionary, She asked Amy, “What is missionary life like?” Amy wrote back saying simply, “Missionary life is a chance to die.”

Amy used expressions like “the Ark of His Presence”. She went to Japan first and then to Ceylon for a short time. When the DOM had a stroke, she came home for a while, and sailed for India in November 1895.

One incident in Japan affected her the rest of her life.  A seasoned missionary, speaking of how missionaries “get along” on the mission field said…”You think all missionaries love one another?”  Well that is what Amy thought precisely!!  Years later when she was running the mission Dohnavur, she made sure the verse 1 Peter 1:22 was implemented…”See that ye love one another fervently”.   One day Amy gave a New Testament to a student, and said it would be a seed.  The seed needed to be watered. On the other side of the world another student heard of this Japanese student and prayed for him. The English student was Paget Wilkes, an undergraduate then, who went to Japan, worked in Matsuye, and led to Christ that student for whom he had prayed.  She prayed for the Japanese converts to burn their idols….she called this “the Calvary side of the work, a thing to be lived through alone with Calvary’s Christ.”   Amy had many converts in Japan, and 14 years later when missionaries came, “the converts from Amy’s ministry were still firmly rooted in the faith.

Loneliness was with her always…. She felt that no part of the cost of being a foreign missionary is greater than the loneliness. Her answer from the Lord – Psalm 34:22…”None of them that trust in me shall be desolate.”  Countless occasions in the field she had to reexamine her motives.  But when she besought her girlfriends at home to consider the call, she said welcome all tests of whatever sort before they crossed the seas, and learn to die to self in any shape or form. Experience had taught her that she could not survive the storms without the anchor of the constraining love of Christ, and what she called the “rock of consciousness” of the promise given her, “He goeth before” (Matt.28:7; Mark  16:7; John 10:4).  On the field in India, she testified that  “to the Glory of His name let me witness that in far away lands, in loneliness, in times of downheartedness and tiredness and sadness, always always HE IS NEAR. He does comfort, if we let Him. Perhaps someone so weak and good-for-nothing as even I am may read this.  Don’t be afraid! Through all circumstances, outside, inside, He can keep me close.  “In His quiver hath He kept me close” (Isa. 49:2).

Her ministry in India……it met up with child marriages, demon worship, widow burning and extreme adherence to the caste system.  She and a small band of converts went out into small villages to speak to people for 7 years. As they went they heardn of the selling of babies and small girls to the temple priests …and could not even believe the stories.  She began praying over that period of time for the burden the Lord had laid on her heart…but how would she stop it?  One day a baby was handed to them that was to be sold to the priests. A temple prostitute was “married to the gods”, whose life was spent in service to the priests and the worshipers.  Never was one converted. No one had ever been allowed to work among them.  This was like a sword in Amy’s missionary soul. The overwhelming desire to save the children became a fire I her bones.

Preena escaped the temple priests in 1901, and Amy became “Amma” the word for Mother.  The little thing walked straight into their hearts, and they felt they would risk anything to keep her.  Amy said she remembered “waking up to the knowledge that there had been a very empty corner somewhere in me that the work had never filled…” which saving the children filled.

A prayer of Jeremy Taylor was always hers too… “Lord, do Thou turn me all into love, and all my love into obedience, and let my obedience be without interruption”.  (His grandfather was married to William Tyndale’s niece and saw Tyndale burned at the stake….which was about the time Martin Luther was printing the Bible in the language of the people.)

A previous missionary to India, Henry Martyn ( 1781-1812), wrote…”I have rightfully no other business each day but to God’s work as a servant, constantly regarding His pleasure.  May I have grace to live above every human motive, simply with God and to God.”  (Martyn translated the NT into three languages in his short life…Persian, Hindustani, & Arabic.)   Mr. Martyn wrote in his journal after he met Wm Carey:  “I have hitherto lived to little purpose; more like a clod than a servant of God. Now let me burn out for God.”  He accomplished more in the six years of translating that many who live a full lifetime.

There was a psychological grid for missionaries to pass through in those days.  There were 25 questions, among them:

  • Do you truly desire to live the crucified life? (This may mean doing very humble things joyfully for His Name’s sake.)
  • Does the thought of hardness draw you or repel you?
  • Do you realize that we are a family, not an institution? Are you willing to do whatever helps most?
  • Apart from the Bible can you name 3 or 4 books which have been of vital help to you?
  • Apart from books, what refreshes you most when you are tired?
  • Have you ever learned any classical or continental language?
  • Have you ever had the opportunity to prove the Lord’s promise to supply temporal as well as spiritual needs?
  • Can you mention any experience you have passed through in your Christian life which brought you into new discovery of your union with the crucified, risen, and enthroned Lord?

Amy wrote:  Do not come unless you can say to your Lord, and to us….”The Cross is the attraction”

Questions and Application:

At one point in her early years Amy said, “Nothing could ever matter again but the things that were eternal.” Nothing? What is your response to that?
As a youngster, Amy rejected the dark brown eyes God had given her, and longed instead for blue eyes. But with her brown eyes, she was later able to go inside the Hindu temples to rescue children.

Is there any unchangeable feature of your own body (God’s design) that you reject? Thank God for it, instead.

Amy demonstrated death to self by praying for money with out telling anyone.

Is there a sum of money for a specific ministry you could ask only God to provide?

One night, Amy led her oxcart driver to Christ. Later, she found out that a prayer group back home had been praying specifically on that date for a convert to be won. Maybe you should pause right now and pray for a missionary.  When the Lord brings a missionary to mind, take it as an opportunity to pray for them, and enter into their ministry from afar.  This is walking in the Spirit.

May we all die to self in this way.
“He must become greater, I must become less”

The things that mattered most to Amy and the Dohnavur Fellowship was:

  • The verbal inspiration of Scripture
  • The power of God to deal with His enemy
  • Loyalty to one another

A book by Amy Carmichael : “Things As They Are – Amy brings out the truth  and reality of the mission work in India.

Your Children

“Your children are the greatest gift God will give to you, and their souls the heaviest responsibility He will place in your hands. Take time with them, teach them to have faith in God. Be a person in whom they can have faith. When you are old, nothing else you’ve done will have mattered as much.”
— Lisa Wingate

Susannah Wesley on Raising Children

Susannah Wesley on Raising Children

  • Susannah lived in the early 1700′s, was the mother of 19 children, and dealt with the loss of ten of those children before the age of 2.
  • She was the mother of John Wesley, founder of the Methodist Christian denomination
  • She was also the mother of Charles Wesley who is remembered for writing hundreds of Christian hymns

Clearly Susnnah Wesley, as a mother, had her share of joys as well as profound sorrow during her lifetime.  Someone asked her once what was the secret in raising her children.  Many of her guidelines, now 300 years later,  are still good ones to follow (exluding a few of the more obvious ones).

Some of these have great validity for forming good character in our children.

Each should be considered and prayed over to see if these would be a help for the child given to you by the Lord.

Susannah Wesley’s Guidelines for Raising Children

  1. Allow  no eating between meals.
  2. Put all children to bed by 8:00 PM
  3. Require  children to take their medicine without complaining.
  4. Subdue self-will in a child and thus work together with God to save his or her soul.
  5. Teach each child to pray as soon as they can speak.
  6. Require all children to be quiet during family worship.
  7. Give a child nothing that they cry for, and only that which they ask for politely.
  8. To prevent lying, punish no fault that is first confessed and repented of.
  9. Never  allow a sinful act to go unpunished.
  10. Never  punish a child twice for a single offense.
  11. Commend  and reward good behavior.
  12. Commend  any attempt to please, even if poorly performed.
  13. Preserve property rights in even the smallest of matters.
  14. Strictly observe all promises.
  15. Require no daughter to work before she can read well.
  16. Teach children to fear the rod.

Susannah Wesley’s Defination of Sin

Each of us may have our own definition of sin, but this one from Susannah Wesley to her preacher son is …really amazing.
….whatever weakens your reasoning,
….what ever impairs your tenderness of conscience,

….whatever obscures your sense of the things of God,
….whatever takes away your desire for spiritual things,
In short  ….whatever increases the power and authority of the flesh over the Spirit,

Then, this thing is sin, no matter how innocent it may be in itself.

Mothers of Young Children

This is one of the most awesome privileges,

but probably the greatest responsibility that

the Lord will entrust to us as Mothers.

These are eternal souls that have been entrusted to us.

We must:

“Train up a child in the way he should go…”


“Provoke not your children to wrath, lest they be discouraged.”

The task is not an easy one.  Often when we have little ones, we have more than one little one.

We may be a working Mother, and are balancing many other tasks, responsibilities, and

facets of our lives that require a great deal of time and energy.

Many times our energy runs out before we reach the end of our day,

and we still have these precious impressionable souls to mentor

in the “nurture and admonition of the Lord”.

If you are in this stage of your journey in life,

there is One who can help you with the strength and courage you need for this privilege.

Please do not try to accomplish all of this in your own strength.

You are setting yourself up for discouragement and defeat.

The Lord, the Creator of these little “empty slates”,

is not only the One who gave them to you, but is also the One who wants to give you

the wisdom and the knowledge to accomplish this task successfully and well.

Jeremiah 33:3 says,  “Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and show thee

great and mighty things, which thou knowest not.”

Psalm 55:22 says, “Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and He shall sustain thee.”

I Peter 5:7 says,  “Casting all your care upon Him, for He careth for you.”

The Lord does not take his “care” for you lightly.  He loves you and wants,

more than you do, for you succeed in this task He has entrusted to you.

He asks you to come to Him, trust Him with your burdens, your cares,

whatever they are, and He wants to work on your behalf.

An important question here is …….

Are you coming to Him as His child or as one who does not really have

a personal relationship with Him?  Do you know Him personally?

He is a personal God.  He loved you so much that He took on flesh

in the person of Jesus Christ,

and lived a perfect sinless life here on Earth.  While He was here,

the Bible says that He

suffered in all the ways we suffer (Hebr. 4:15).  He then went to the cross

and died for our sins, in our place, suffering the wrath of God for us.

He rose again proving that He was the Almighty God who could conquer death.

He is now seated at the right hand of the Father, taking our requests

to the Father personally for us.

He asks you to believe this, take Him as the total payment for your sin,

and become His child.

John 1:12 says, ” But as many as receive Him, to them gave He power

to become the children of God,

to them that believe on His name.”

The Lord would like to answer your requests as His child, in the same manner that

you would answer the request of your own child, before you would

answer the requests of a child that you did not know.

If you do not know the Lord as His child, and do not have

a personal relationship with Him,

please go to…..   “Where will I spend Eternity?”

Treasures from the Word of God

This treasure is for mothers and fathers of young children.
What a wonderful privilege you have to influence a life for God.
What kind of children do you like?   That is a good question….do you like
obedient children? polite children? respectful children?  Do you like to be around
children that are courteous to others, especially adults?  Do you like children that
are kind and sharing with your children?
I suggest you make a “Character Manuel” for your children.
This can be as simple as a notebook with these goals in it…polite to others,
courteous, kind etc.  It can then have verses from the word of God that will help
you realize that these goals are Biblical.  When the principles are Biblical,
you are on praying ground for the power of God to be with you in your efforts
to bring your children up “in the nurture and admonition of the Lord” (Ephes.6:4)

 Or it could be as in-depth as having each child’s name on a given page,

and verses that child is working on to commit to memory.  This may also include

certain character traits that are  weaknesses to that particular child with some specific verses.

When my children were little,  I could be quoted as saying…. “The principle is…..”

and then there would be some explanation as to why this was going to be the standard

because the principle was found in scripture.

There was a Biblical explanation why they were going to behave in this certain way.

This next section will be devoted to some of the principles that we

as parents need to reflect on to accomplish Godly character

and good manners in our children.

Guidelines for Parents

#1.  Love each child unconditionally.

We are loved unconditionally by God.  He does not require that we

live up to a certain standard, to be a recipient of His love.

John 3:16 says: “God so loved…that he gave,” and in Romans 5:8 says:

God showed “His love toward us, in that,

while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.”

Show unconditional love for your child.  Learn a way to portray to your child

that you love them, but it is their sin, misbehavior, etc. that is unacceptable.

#2.  Consider… Ephesians 5:21 – Ephesians 6:4

There are four essentials here:  Husbands love;  Wives submit;  Children obey;

and Parents provoke not.

#3.  Spend time playing and working with each child.

#4.  Give specific approval to each child.

#5.  Tell each child  “I Love You”,

 and hug him or her….or something similar.

#6.  Read the Bible, teach Bible principles, and pray as a Family.

#7.  Severely restrict TV, video games, and electronic devices

that seclude the child from family interaction.  This becomes their gods.

#8.  Be  “around” a significant amount of time.

#9.  Paddle each child in a Godly manner when he or she disobeys,

lies, is unkind, or lazy.  (Prov. 29:15,17)

#10.  Pray with your child,

 for your child and for your child’s teachers.

#11.  Have a good relationship and spend time alone with your spouse.

Husbands….keep dating your children’s mother.

Wives…carry out Ephesians 5:33…”see that she reverence her husband”.

Learn what that word “reverence” means, and do it.

Some Good Character Traits For Children to Learn

(and us parents if we have not learned them).

#1.  “Be ye Kind” – Ephes. 4:32

God calls this “kind” and “tenderhearted”.

This is against our “old nature”.  Self is always exalted sinfully.

Make sure your children are tender toward other children’s feelings.

This would eliminate all the “bullying” that is so prevalent in our society today.

Do not let you children be insensitive to their siblings feelings.

Do not let them “make fun” of other children.

If that other child is not having fun, it is sin.

#2.  Speak kindly …” always with grace” Col. 4:6.

Speak to edify…. building others up, not tearing down

“…that which is good to the use of edifying,

that it may minister grace to the hearers” (Ephes.  4:29).

Mothers, let me encourage you to be very careful of the tone of

your voice when you are speaking to your children.

Even the tone of your voice can convey acceptance of them,

while you are at the same time addressing their disobedience.

Convey the love of Christ for them at all times because He loves

us at all times…..unconditionally.

#3.  Forgive others.

Ephes. 4:32…”forgiving one another, even as God, for Christ’s sake

hath forgiven you.”

(We adults need to learn this with our children, if we have not already learned it.)

We do not have the right NOT to forgive . 

 God does not hold a grudge against us; He freely forgives as we ask.

Are we more righteous than God, that we cannot forgive someone when It is the right thing to do or we are asked to do so?

He loved and forgave us “while we were yet sinners” (Rom. 5:8)  

#4.  Speak Truth.

The book of proverbs is wonderful for verses on truth.

God hates lying lips…Prov. 6:17,19;  12:22;

(If our President and those who are leading our country

had learned this when they were little, we would be far better off.)

#5.  “No corrupt communication” (Ephes. 4:29)

This means sinful dirty talk, as well as” foolish talking,

nor jesting, which are not fitting; but the giving of thanks.” Ephes.5:4.

This verse gives us a substitute for this bad and empty talk.

It is the giving of thanks to the God we are accountable to.

We need to get a concept of the holiness of God,

and teach that to our children.

Daily Treasures for the Soul and Spirit

This treasure is for mothers of young children.
What an wonderful privilege you have to influence a life for God.
What kind of children do you like? That is a good question….do you like
obedient children? polite children? respectful children? Do you like to be around
children that are courteous to others, especially adults? Do you like children that
are kind and sharing with your children?
I suggest you make a “Character Manuel” for your children.
This can be as simple as a notebook with these goals in it…polite to others,
courteous, kind etc. It can then have verses from the word of God that will help
you realize that these goals are Biblical. When the principles are Biblical,
you are on praying ground for the power of God to be with you in your efforts
to bring your children up “in the nurture and admonition of the Lord” (Ephes.6:4)

Then teach these verses to your children.  Maybe take one character trait per week

and work on that trait for the whole week.  Children are delightful when they are disciplined.

Unruly and undisciplined children are not a delight to be around, for you the parent or for other adults and children.